Smoke and Mirrors
by I. Evelyn
Summary: [slash] HPDM Sirius is gone and Harry deals with his death in his own way. Ron and Hermione can't tell at first, but their friend has changed. “D’you hear that?” Harry yelled at the sky. “You can’t leave! I can’t do this alone!”
1. Letters to God

**Title: Smoke and Mirrors  
****Author:** Isabel Evelyn  
**Disclaimers:** I don't own the Harry Potter. sniff I wish I did, I really really do, but I don't.  
**Archive:** Snakecharm  
**Warnings:** spoilers, language, slash  
**Started:** May 1, 2005

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* * *

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Letters to God

"**I should of asked, I could have helped, at least a fucking thousand times before. Will this offer get me in, or does it prove that they gave more? And I, I won't lie, I won't sin. Maybe I don't want to go, can't you wait? Maybe I don't want to go."  
Letters to God - Boxcar Racer

* * *

**

He saw him fall.

The only person who had ever felt like family was pushed and she was standing with an evil gleam in her eye.

Sirius had a truly panicked expression in his eyes as he fell.

Forgetting about everything, he tried to reach his godfather. Harry rushed through the crossfire of curses and hexes hoping to get there in time. Sirius met his eyes as he screamed.

"Sirius!"

He didn't even notice that he had yelled. The black haired man fell so slowly that Harry was sure that he could get there in time. And then, Sirius fell behind a curtain.

"SIRIUS!"

Harry was about to follow him, but strong arms fastened themselves around Harry's waist and Harry fought against them, wondering why his godfather didn't just pick himself up. Could he really be that hurt? Did that bitch do something else to him?

"Harry, he's gone."

Harry kept fighting. He needed to see why Sirius wasn't getting back up. He needed to see if his godfather was all right.

"Harry, there's nothing you can do."

And that was that. Harry had seen her kill his godfather. He had seen her face when she did it.

Harry swore that he would get his revenge.

* * *

Five years at Hogwarts, and finally, he had lost a family member. Cedric's death had been hard, but it was nothing like this. Harry could remember every single thing he did and thought of every single thing he didn't do, could have done better, or didn't do at all. Still, no matter how many times Harry went over it in his hind, Sirius was gone.

Harry had been called to Dumbledore's office for a post-combat meeting. The headmaster had talked about pride, respect, honor - all things that Harry had no interest in hearing about. He wanted to know how she would pay for taking his godfather away. A slight kick to his shin brought Harry out of his thoughts. The boy glared across the table at Tonks who smiled a little too innocently.

"And as we all know, Mr. Potter will be returning to his relatives' for the summer," Dumbledore said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"What?" Harry voiced what everyone else in the room was thinking.

"It is the best way to keep you safe over the holiday. Recent events have proven how dangerous Voldemort is. We cannot take any risks with your safety."

And with that, the headmaster went on to other orders of business, leaving Harry a little more than annoyed.

The following day was hard for everyone. No one paid attention during classes and no one seemed to want to talk. Harry had to assure Hermione and Ron many times that he would be okay. They didn't seem to believe him, but they didn't press the matter. Harry spent his spare time brooding in the Gryffindor tower. The green eyed boy refused to talk to anyone who didn't accompany him the night before. Even when he did talk, he didn't say much. Hermione and Ron thought it was best that Harry had time alone to sort his thoughts out.

Instead of following his fellow housemates to dinner, Harry decided to sit by the lake. He packed a bag with some stolen food from the kitchens, a blanket, and his invisibility cloak and headed down to watch the sun set.

Finding a nice secluded spot in the edge of the lake, Harry settled down. The chill in the air became more noticeable as the sky turned into a vibrant show of red, orange and yellow. The lake was perfectly still and reflected the colours beautifully. Harry wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and watched the stars slowly appear. The deep blue sky turned to black and the stars shined as if they were diamonds trying to break free of a midnight cage.

"Where are you, Sirius?" Harry asked the stars. "I need you here, I'm not strong enough to lose you."

The stars sparkled but did not answer.

"D'you hear that?" Harry yelled at the sky. "You can't leave! I can't fucking do this alone!"

The stars smirked at him and kept sparkling.

"What's all the yelling for? And what can't you do alone, Potter? Kill yourself? I'd be glad to help," Malfoy appeared from behind a tree, smirking.

"Sod off, ferret boy. If I really wanted to kill myself, I wouldn't let you help."

Malfoy snorted. "Fine, don't play nice. What are you doing out hear?"

Harry didn't answer. The raven haired boy pulled his bag closer to him and pulled out a rather large sandwich. Malfoy sat down and looked at the sky.

"Why are you still here, Malfoy? Go back to your dungeons, I'm sure your two minions don't know what to do when you're not around," Harry said, a slight sneer in his voice.

"You're probably right, but annoying you is so much more fun, wouldn't you agree? Besides, they're probably in the Great Hall, eating themselves stupid. I have no desire to be part of that."

Harry sighed, he'd rather sit in silence with Malfoy than spend the next half an hour arguing with him. Harry took a bite of his sandwich and took out a bottle of butterbeer.

"Did you eat?" Harry asked, not bothering to look at the blonde.

"Yes," Malfoy lied as his stomach growled.

Harry rolled his eyes and muttered, "Thorn in my bloody side."

Harry ripped his sandwich in two and shoved the untouched half under Malfoy's nose.

"Here."

Malfoy took the half a sandwich and was surprised when Harry produced an unopened butterbeer as well.

"Feeding me? I must say, you know how to treat an enemy well, Potter," Malfoy said before he took a bite.

"I'll take that as a thank you. And it's nothing. Dying of starvation at Hogwarts is a pansy ass way to go, if I do say so myself. I'm just saving myself from humiliation when I'd have to admit that I wasn't the one who killed you."

The two boys ate their dinner and Harry produced a small cake from his bag. Malfoy briefly wondered how much the golden boy could eat before digging into his share of the food. After many hours of star gazing, the two decided that it must by hours after curfew. Harry packed up his belongings and walked back up to the castle with Malfoy right behind him. As they went their separate ways, the boys gave each other a nod and stealthily started their way to their respective dorms.

* * *

Harry woke early the next morning to finish whatever packing had to be done. After packing, he quickly showered and dressed himself in dark jeans and a white button down shirt. Harry rolled up his sleeves as he walked out of the bathroom. Ron was up and dressed and waiting for him. Harry nodded 'good morning', slipped on his shoes, and went down to the common room to meet Hermione. Once assembled, the trio made their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Harry walked silently behind his two friends. Hermione and Ron didn't ask about where he was last night, and Harry was glad. It would be hard to explain that he spent the majority of the night star gazing with his 'arch-nemesis'.

The three entered the Great Hall, and Harry had still not said a word. Ron and Hermione turned around just in time to see Harry nod 'good morning' to a blonde at the Slytherin table. Harry ignored the questioning looks from both his friends and Slytherin table and made his way to his usual seat.

"Harry," Hermione said, cautiously. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, fine," Harry said between bites of eggs.

"You got in late last night, mate," Ron said.

"Yeah."

"Harry, you do know you can talk to us about anything. We'll always be here for you. You know that right?" Hermione said.

Harry put down his fork and smiled. "Yes, I know. It's just... hard at the moment. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

This answer appeared to satisfy Hermione because she started talking about summer plans and the Burrow. Harry ate quickly and excused himself, saying that he had packing to finish.

* * *

Harry spent most of the train ride by himself for Ron and Hermione had prefect duties. Harry enjoyed the ride and it felt somewhat shorter this time. As the train pulled into the station, Harry's mind briefly went back to the previous night. The emerald-eyed boy shook the thought out of his mind. He would only have to put up with his relatives for a few months, then he would be back with the people that he knew. Harry said quick good-byes to his friends, and dragged his trunk out of the station and into his uncle's car. 


	2. I Grieve

**Title: Smoke and Mirrors  
Author:** Isabel Evelyn

**Disclaimers:** I don't own the Harry Potter. sniff I wish I did, I really really do, but I don't.  
**Warnings:** spoilers, language, slash( eventually implied )

**Smoke and Mirrors  
**I Grieve

* * *

The minute Harry returned to the Dursleys, he headed to his room. For the first time that he could remember, Harry was glad to be back. At least the Dursleys didn't constantly question him on what he was feeling. As long as he did as he was told, his family would just leave him alone and that was just what Harry wanted. He was sick of being the savior of the wizarding world. He was sick of people always getting in his business. 

Every morning, Harry would wake up and prepare breakfast. His aunt would tell him what to make so Harry never had to worry about coming up with new meals. After breakfast, Harry would clean up. Once the kitchen was spotless, he would report to his aunt for a list of chores. Harry was glad to see that the list of things to was usually quite long. Harry would spend the rest of the day working on whatever his family assigned. The work helped Harry keep his mind off of other, darker matters. The raven-haired boy never put up a fight when he was told to do something; this was something that his family soon took advantage of. All the work Harry did was finished quickly and was of best quality.

When Harry was not working, he retired to his room. Within the first week of the summer vacation, Harry finished all his summer homework. By the middle of the second week, Harry had finished reading all the books he had brought home.

With the lack of schoolwork to do, Harry would work his way around the house, looking for anything that could be done. On Friday of Harry's second week home, his uncle Vernon announced that the following night, a rich builder and his wife would be coming over for dinner. As Vernon gave instructions for what was to be done for the dinner he glared as Harry, daring him to destroy yet another evening. Harry remained silent, thinking of what he could make that his family would be pleased with.

Saturday morning came far too soon for Harry's liking. In just eleven short hours, the masons would stop by, and everything had to be just as Uncle Vernon instructed. Harry groaned and pulled himself out of bed. Harry quickly dressed in a pair of Dudley's old shorts that were far too big and an old, ragged shirt that Dudley had long outgrown. It was already beginning to get hot hat seven in the morning so Harry rolled up the short sleeves on his shirt, leaving his toned arms exposed. Between the chores that his family had him do and Quidditch at school, Harry had acquired a strong, lean body.

Harry made sure he was as quiet as possible as he padded down the stairs to the kitchen. In no time, he had breakfast on the table. Harry had just poured a large mug of coffee as Vernon entered the room and sat down at his place at the table. Harry silently ate standing up on the other side of the kitchen, reviewing his cores for the day.

After breakfast, Harry went to the front of the house to start on his chores. It would be far warmer in the afternoon and Harry wanted to finish his outdoor chores first. About an hour into mowing the lawn and pruning the hedges, Vernon and Dudley left the house. Petunia had kicked them out so she could concentrate on the dinner.

By mid morning, Harry had finished the front of the house and was now busy making sure the back yard was presentable. After he repainted the garden bench, Harry went inside to fix lunch.

Petunia watches as Harry worked in silence. We went from room to room dusting, and vacuuming. Harry made sure to polish anything that needed polishing and wash all the windows. The boy worked so much harder than he had last year and ate even less. He did not speak unless he was spoken to. He just did his work. Petunia decided that she liked this Harry better.

The afternoon came and went and Harry found himself in the kitchen under the direction of his Aunt. They both hurried to finish dinner. At five thirty, Harry went to take a shower so he would at least appear presentable when company arrived.

At six on the dot, the doorbell rang. Harry opened the door and greeted the guests.

"Hello Mr. And Mrs. Mason, may I take your coats?"

Vernon and Petunia watched Harry closely, the pudding incident still fresh in their minds. Harry politely asked if anyone would like a drink and then scurried into the kitchen. After passing around drinks, Harry politely excused himself just as his uncle had told him to. Harry quickly went to his room to change, then he left the house.

Harry walked the same route he did when he left the Dorsey's before his third year. He had his wand hidden in a holster that he had bought before he left Hogwarts. The wand holster had numerous charms on it to make it invisible and to only work for its owner. Harry wandered and finally found himself in a park. Harry sat himself on a pick nick table with a good view of the area.

After what seamed like hours, Harry heard voices and footsteps. As they grew closer, Harry could tell that they belonged to teenagers. The raven-haired boy sighed and sat up as the group of people approached.

"Well, what do we have here?" a slightly slurred voice said.

Harry turned to glare at the boy who spoke.

"An ickel boy, all alone," another of the group said. "We could have fun with this one."

"Sod off," Harry growled, irritated.

One of the boys in the group looked surprised. "You got balls, kid, I'll give you that. Still, such an attitude should be punished. You have to learn to respect your superiors."

Harry laugh. "My superiors? You don't even know who I am and you are my superiors? Fat chance."

One of the boys growled and started towards Harry who swiftly kicked the slightly tipsy boy in the stomach.

"hmm," Harry said absently as he got off of the pick nick table. "This could fun."

The raven-haired boy used his seeker reflexes to dodge the two punches that were thrown at him.

"Hello misdirected aggression."

Harry ducked as a third punch was thrown his way. Harry shoved the taller boy to the ground. Harry turned and the third boy's fist collided with his face.

Harry staggered back, trying to clear his tearing eyes. The other boy took advantage of Harry's pain and landed another punch, this time on Harry's arm. Again, Harry staggered backward. Harry was ready when the boy swung again and blocked the punch.

Harry was so busy fighting that he didn't notice two other people appear at the park. As the two late arrivers came closer to the fight, Harry glanced at him. The split second was all that the other boy needed to land another punch on Harry's already hurting face. Harry stumbled to the ground. The larger boy was about to finish Harry off when the two latecomers yelled something out, frightening Harry's attackers.

Slowly, Harry stood, ready to defend himself against another wave of attacks. He eyed the two who were walking towards him. Both were dressed in dark colours and had what Harry considered 'interesting' haircuts. One of them picked Harry's broken glasses off of the floor as the other eyed Harry over.

"You sure know how to take a beating."

Harry blinked. That was not what he expected the man to say.

"Here, let us buy you a drink. You look like you need it."

Harry snorted but followed the two down the street cautiously.

Harry didn't really know why he had followed the two men from the park. Maybe his head was hit harder than he thought. Maybe the whole situation didn't seem as shady as it did now. Whatever the reason, Harry was happy with the decision that he made.

The two had lead him to a small store so that the dark haired boy could clean up after the fight. When he came out of the bathroom, looking slightly less bloody, he found the two men at the counter, waiting for him.

"There's someone who has to meet you," one of the two said before they grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the store.

After a few minutes of walking, the two men lead Harry to a small house. The lights were dim, causing Harry to check his wand. He took a deep breath and took a step into the house. When death eaters didn't immediately jump out to curse him, Harry quickly glanced around the room. The furniture was worn, old, and more than a little dusty. There was what looked like an old, broken Hi-Fi in the corner. There was a small, depressing fireplace that looked as if it had been converted into some sort of bed.

"Come on downstairs so we can get you a drink, mate," the more talkative of the two said before disappearing through a door.

Harry gripped his wand under his shirt and followed.

The basement had a thin carpet on top of a cement floor. There was a washing machine and a dryer and an old television stuffed under the stairs. A refrigerator hummed loudly at Harry from the far side of the room. As he reached the last step, Harry noticed something being thrown at him. Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed it.

"Good reflexes, man," a voice said from Harry's left. Harry spun around to see a group of people entering from outside.

Harry nodded at the person who spoke, "thanks."

The group of people sat down or rested against the wall by the door. Harry stood, uncomfortably at the foot of the stairs, waiting to see what would happen.

"This," the talkative one said, waving his arms a little too much, "Is the group." Quickly Harry learned names.

"Now, who the fuck are you?" The one called Seth asked as he lit a cigarette.

"This lil' man," the talkative one said excitedly, "took out Josh and Brian at the park."

The other who had found Harry in the park nodded once in agreement.

"That's nice," Seth commented, "but that still doesn't answer my question. _Who,_ the fuck, are you?"

"Harry," the green-eyed boy replied with a scratchy voice.


End file.
